pitchslapped | First date

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jesse

First date

It's ridiculous. She has no idea why she's so nervous.

Back at Barden, they'd never actually done this. Yeah, they'd gone out to dinner together, obviously, but they'd never really bothered dating. After that first kiss at Lincoln Center, they'd just sort of fallen into being together, completely. No awkward dinner dates required. Still, Jesse wants to start over, and Beca can see the wisdom in that. They both different people than the other one remembers. They need to figure each other out again.

She spent most of the day looking for a dress. Hopefully, he'll like this one. God. Why is she so nervous?

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Jesse was more than glad to drop the conversation in return for more kisses. He groaned against her mouth as his tongue teased against hers, hips shifting up on the bed just a bit.

Beca's free hand presses against Jesse's side, against his bare skin, thumb nail scratching lightly as they kiss.

On 7 August 2015 at 20:46, a_capella_boy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

Jesse hissed in pleasure at the way her skin was so warm against his, how the thumbnail was a sharp distraction from the softness of her kiss and he moaned a bit against her mouth.

"C'mon, Jesse," she says, and she's half teasing both of them. "There's a tonne of stuff we can do that's not...it."

"You are absolutely hoping those things will turn in to it," he said, completely knowing what it was she was trying to do. Beca was very crafty and k ew all his weakness, some he was sure he didn't know he had. "What did you have in mind?"

"Doesn't have to," she points out, because they're both adults, aren't they? "And I've had plenty of things in mind since I saw you in that suit earlier."

"Oh really? What are some of those things you've had on your mind?" he asked, reaching out to run his fingers through her hair, brushing it out of her face and smoothing it down.

Smiling at him, Beca traces her fingers around the waistband of his pyjama pants.

She bats her eyelashes at him, because she knows he loves that, and bends her head to kiss his chest.

"Beca."

He'd meant to make it sound like a warning but instead it came out as a pleading growl. Whatever she had in mind it was definitely going to lead to more than just what she intended.

"If you're going to do what I think you are... I'm pretty sure I'm going to want more..."

"Look," she says, her hand staying where it is, her fingertips just hooked over the elastic of his pants. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I swear, I would wait forever you. I would. But..." She worries her lip. "I want it, and I think you want it?"

On 7 August 2015 at 22:40, a_capella_boy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

Jesse was so, so conflicted right now. Hearing her say she wanted it made him want to give in just because he wanted to make her happy. Also, he was insanely hard right now and he did want this.

"I want to wait," he finally said, because that was the decision he had made when he was not completely turned on. "Please don't hate me?"

"You want to wait for everything?" asks Beca, and she swallows and, yeah, she squeezes her thighs together and hopes Jesse doesn't notice.

That absolutely did not answer that "please don't hate me" question and he felt pretty awful but he wasn't going to change his mind now. Risking feeling even worse about it later wasn't worth it.

"I'm saying I want to wait past right now. Tomorrow or in a few days, I don't know. I'm sorry, I am the shittiest boyfriend ever right now."

"I mean, you're not great right this minute," says Beca, pulling away from him slightly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I...kind of do not know what to do with myself right now."

On 7 August 2015 at 23:09, a_capella_boy - DW Comment < dw_null@dreamwidth.org> wrote:

"Fuck," Jesse sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He hardly ever swore but he figured this was a completely appropriate time to let loose some profanity. He knew that kissing her had been risky and he shouldn't have done it.

"Would it help if I went on a walk or something and got out of your hair?"

"No," says Beca, burying her face in her hands and shaking her head, torn between wanting him here and wanting to just...walk home in her pyjamas. "No. Definitely. I...no. Don't do that."

"Are you sure? I'll understand if you do," he said, tentatively reaching out to out a hand in her shoulder. "I know my presence here isn't really helping anything at all right now."

"I just...I'm sorry, Jesse," she says, shaking her head. "I don't get it. I don't get how you can kiss me like that and then just.." She shrugs. "Nothing."

"You think I don't want to do more with you?" He asked, wondering if she truly thought that about him. He hadn't meant to give that impression but maybe he had.

"Because I do, Beca. But that doesn't mean I'm ready or worried that it might cause problems. When we have sex Beca I want it to be because I'm in love with you. I wish I could make myself feel that way right now and how much I feel for you is almost terrifying, but I'm not there yet. I'm sorry."

"I have to..." She stands up, pushing her hair back from her face. After three years together, there was nothing that Jesse hadn't seen, but there was no way Beca was going to cry in front of this person she apparently barely knew at all. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Her eyes are stinging as she ducks out of the room.

"Beca-"

Jesse started to get up after her but she was already in the bathroom by the time he got off the bed. He felt like shit for saying he didn't love her but she just didn't seem to be getting it any other way. Jesse knew he was going to fall in love with her, it was an inevitability that he couldn't, and didn't want to, deny. But the truth was that he still had only been with her a short while again after not seeing her for years.

She ends up sitting in the bathtub, bent over her knees. Hot tears trickle down her cheeks and she bites her lip. She couldn't get her head around how much it hurt to hear Jesse say something like that; even if she knew it, hearing him say it was something else. It would have been easier to turn up and not even know that he was here, live their lives in the same city and never run into each other.

Eventually, she opens the bathroom door, tear-stained and flushed.

"I want to go home."

It was easy to tell that she had been crying and it was like a knife to the heart to know that he'd done that to her. He hadn't known how else to make her understand how he felt or why he was doing what he did. Now he felt like there was this gulf between them that was wider than when she had first arrived.

"Do you want me to walk you home or call you a cab?" Jesse asked. He wanted her to stay, to work this out, but if she needed space he understood. But it still hurt.

"Not that shitty apartment," she says, her voice louder than she meant it to be. "I want to go home. I want my friends and a boyfriend who loves me and the stupid Bellas and my dad." She sniffs, dangerously close to bursting into tears again. "I want to go home. Because this place? Fucking sucks."

"I know. It does. It's not home and the ways it's like home hurt," he said, the memories of similar situations and times when he's felt like she did, or at least similar to it, we're all too fresh.

"And I know the only reason you went out with me tonight is because the person you really want to be with isn't here while everything I could ever want is right in front of me. But until I screwed it up, tonight was good. Please don't don't give up on me, Beca. Please don't give up on us."

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